You may have some preconceived ideas as to why most marriages fail including things like infidelity and cheating spouses. In reality, there are a number of other factors such as lack of communication and a breakdown in trust which is most commonly reported as the reason spouses decide to go their separate ways and get a contested or uncontested divorce. Here are the 10 most common reasons why marriages fail.
- Getting married for the wrong reasons
The reasons why people decide to get married vary significantly, and many of these reasons end up falling short of the justification to stay together forever. Financial stability or hoping getting married will fix existing problems within a relationship are two examples of getting married for the wrong reasons. Many couples find that marriage can lead to more difficult and trying times and that, should there be a number of existing problems, getting married does not help to fix these. In the same vein, should a couple’s financial situation takes a turn for the worse and the couple got married for financial stability, it is unlikely that this marriage will last the test of financial troubles. In more recent times, just as easily as couples can rush into marriage, getting a divorce is made easier through an online divorce or getting a divorce over the internet which means couples are easily able to get out of their marriages in an inexpensive way. This is one of the reasons why divorce rates have increased so dramatically in the US.
- Lack of Communication
This has been cited as one of the biggest reasons why marriages fail. As couples grow as a unit and individually, they will undoubtedly go through many life changes. What is important is that the couple is able to talk through these changes and keep the lines of communication open. If a couple has trouble communicating before they get married, this will most likely get worse throughout the duration of marriage if both spouses don’t make a conscious effort to improve. Communication regarding all elements of the marriage needs to be discussed on a two-way and continuous basis.
- Spouses lose their own identity
Codependency can be common in long-term relationships and marriage and can be detrimental to the long-term success of that union. Over time, spouses may begin to lose their individual identity and define themselves within the confines of the marriage. Spouses who experience this will seldom explore opportunities or interests outside of their relationship unless their spouse is willing to do the same. It is important for spouses to explore other interests and find out what they enjoy outside of the marriage. This ensures a level of development on an individual level, which then contributes to the overall wellness of the married unit.
- Spouses don’t share the same vision of a successful marriage
Before tying the knot, a potential spouse may have a preconceived idea of what a successful relationship and marriage look like. These preconceived ideas can come from witnessing the marriages of family members while growing up, specifically the marriage of parents. The idea of what marriage should ‘look like’ could also be formed from past experience and what the relationship has been like leading up to marriage. Either way, the most important thing is that spouses share the same vision in terms of what marriage should be like. It is common that men and women take on more typical roles within the marriage but problems arise when couples can’t agree on what these are. A husband might believe it is the wife’s duty to cook and clean while the wife believes it should be a shared duty. Getting on the same page for a shared vision of success is crucial to making a marriage work.
- Lack of Intimacy
Many people think a lack of intimacy is the biggest reason why marriages fail. While it is a big contributing factor, it is not the main reason why marriages fail. Men and women develop a need for intimacy based on different factors. Women often need an emotional or romantic base on which to develop intimacy while men mostly require sexual desire which is reciprocated. Through possible misunderstanding or someone having an ‘off’ day, spouses may experience intimacy less frequently. As the less frequently this intimacy occurs, the pattern and the downward spiral is likely to continue. Communication or lack thereof can also be a reason why issues around intimacy are difficult to overcome. Spouses may begin to feel unwanted or undesirable and may even lead to them seeking affection outside of the marriage.
- Financial Stressors
We all have different approaches to finance and how money should be managed and spent. It is most commonly not the lack of finances that tend to place pressure on marriage but rather different approaches or views on how money should be managed. If, for example, one spouse is more inclined to spend than to save and their spouse is more inclined to save than to spend, this can lead to conflict and often to divorce. Couples may experience differences in their approach or views on saving for the future or spending on credit. Again, if couples aren’t able to communicate on these topics, the problems can become worse. If a spouse is not open and honest about how they spend, this can exacerbate the problem further and commonly does result in divorce.
- The Change from Spouses to Parents
Many couples, when they become parents and are engrossed in the task of caring for children, can become lost in this role and forget about their duty of care to their spouse. As children grow up and need less and less attention, parents who have lost focus on their marriage may find themselves feeling quite lost and that they have drifted away from their spouses. Interests may change over this time and if spouses have lost track of the things they have in common, they may be left wondering whatever brought them together. This reason for divorce is most common in couples who have been married for some time and have had children who have grown up and possibly even moved out. Without children in the equation, and with a prolonged period of children being at the center of everything the spouses do, couples may feel compelled to get divorced.
- Losing Affection
Outside of the need for couples to have intimacy and sex, is the need for more basic and regular affection. This includes being kissed hello and goodbye or showing each other affection through spontaneous hugs and holding hands. This might seem like a small contributing factor that leads couples to get divorced but these acts of affection are crucial for a couple to remain feeling connected and in sync. Couples who don’t put in the effort to maintain a level of these non-sexual affectionate actions are destined to lose a sense of intimacy and connectedness.
- Expectations which aren’t met
During the course of a marriage, one or both of the spouses may go through phases of being unhappy within the relationship. Spouses will often default to thinking that it is the other spouse’s responsibility to address their unhappiness and rectify the situation. This expectation can lead to conflict, blaming and criticizing in the relationship. Many spouses negate taking responsibility for their own happiness and tend to rely on their spouse to manage any discontent and rectify it where necessary. Over the duration of a marriage, this can lead to continuous feelings of disappointment, frustration and the need to eventually go separate ways.
- Inability to resolve conflicts
Every marriage will experience its fair share of conflict and disputes. What is important is how a couple handles this element of their relationship. If they are able to have open conversations around the things which bother or upset them, resolving conflicts should not prove to be much of a hurdle within the marriage. However, it is not uncommon for couples to be unable to find common ground when dealing with conflicts. They may decide to ‘agree to disagree’ and move on from an argument without fully resolving what caused the conflict in the first place. This can lead to lingering frustration and sadness as either spouse feels unheard or ignored. Spouses may not be willing to accept that they struggle to resolve conflicts and accept the help of a third party such as a marriage counselor. This can leave couples in a situation where they feel that getting a divorce is the only option remaining.
Divorce is not an easy decision. It’s because of thousand resent or it can be only one. However, if you took the decision you have to take care of the whole process carefully. So the best thing is to take support from a good attorney consulting service. So Sean Smallwood is a divorce attorney in Florida. Take good advice and process your action.