When Blaming & Jealousy become our Best Friends

By Wendy Loh, Writer. Scriptwriter. Researcher & a BBN Contributor

When Blaming & Jealousy become our Best Friends

You are not living right now by being angry, by ignoring people or by having a  lot of sadness and depression. You are not living, you are dying. So you need to live and you can achieve this by letting go of expectations. Stop thinking that things should be this way or that way, and questioning when it doesn’t happen the way you think it should. Let go. I promise you, life will change.

I am not asking you to prostrate in front of the Buddha of to come and kiss my feet. I am asking you to take refuge in the Dharma and surrender – take responsibility by accepting what happens to you and improving yourself. Dharma is determination based on a clear perception of reality. At this level, having a clear perception of reality is about taking responsibility for the bad things that happen in life, as well as taking credit for the good things. We like to take credit fort he good things that happen but we don’t want to take responsibility for the bad things.

Taking responsibility is a nice phrase but what does it really mean? It means that you do not blame others. Even if someone is at fault, you should not blame them and you should not point fingers. If you practice not blaming others, then whether someone is right or wrong, you will not blame them. There could be times when you come across someone who is sincerely in the right but because you are in the habit of blaming others, you could hurt them. Instead, if you train yourself not even to blame people who are wrong, then the people who deserve compassion will also benefit.

This is about being happy. Can it be achieved? Yes, it can. You can achieve  happiness if you take responsibility. Your mother makes mistakes, your father makes mistakes, your sisters and brothers make mistakes. Yes, everyone makes mistakes. But so do you. Whose mistake is bigger? It depends on your perception and what angle you are looking from. The angle from which you look at a situation is proportionate to how big the mistake is. How big the problem is depends on your perception.

Accept. Acceptance does not mean you have to stay in a deep dark hole. Acceptance means you find Buddhist methods – human determination, respect, understanding and letting go – to transform the difficulties with patience and acceptance. You do not have to be a Buddhist to practice Buddhist principles. In fact , these are humanistic principles.

Taken from PEACE – A Compilation of Teachings by Tsem Rinpoche

(Available in print on Amazon and Vajrasecrets.com and as ebook on Google Play & Playstore. Your kind support goes to Kechara, a non-profit Buddhist organization founded by Tsem Rinpoche to spread the Buddha-Dharma and to be of service to the world.)

A video answer to Plinio Tsai’s question from  Facebook:

Rinpoche, how should the person stop the mind that wishes to compare ones own qualities with others qualities and feel bad about it? How someone applies rejoice instead of comparison?

Jealousy makes you unsettled, have no peace, be unhappy and act in ways that make you deteriorate and be alone. How can you be jealous of other people who work hard and do well? They deserve their efforts and they ‘make’ you upset because they remind you of what you’re not willing to do. How can you purposely make it hard for other people to do their job because you don’t have their results? Wrong method. In the end no one likes you or your work. You will be alone, bitter and despised. Jealousy is a thief that robs you of peace, friendships, respect, and growth. Fight your jealousy, not the people who succeed. Fight your jealousy and not your friends. — Tsem Rinpoche