This is an article written by Prakash Sutradhar, one of our community members on his perspectives of a breakup recovery. You all encouraged to feed in your opinion on this to encourage Prakash or to correct anything that you think is not accurate. Please note that this is writers sole opinion and BBN sharing it in the community section to value his opinion while hoping it may serve somebody in the league.
Break Up Recovery
Before breaking a bridge you should know why did you build that bridge and How you did it. Then the job will be easy.
First find out why did you fall in love and that too with that person only?
From childhood we develop a few needs which are unsatisfied. So we always keep looking for any way to satisfy those unsatisfied needs. Now anyone who shows that he/she has the qualities to fulfil your those unsatisfied needs, you will easily get attacted to that person. These process is done by our subconscious mind and we are totally unware of it. These needs are different for everyone.
You and your friend might be doing same thing but psychological reasons behind might be totally different. Suppose you and your friend both are going for Indian Idol audition, you might be seeking to be “popular” and at the same time your friend might be seeking to be “rich”.
So we all have NEEDS. Those unsatisfied needs drive us in life and it is hidden to the normal eyes.
This knowledge can be used in reverse way too, if you want to attarct someone, then observe that person and find out what are the needs he/she is craving for and then give signal that you can fulfil those needs. That will release adrenaline chemicals inside his/her brain and result is that person will fall in love with you. [this is just for knowledge, I request you not to misuse it]
Then why can’t you recover from break up ?
Above was the first reason of not able to recover from break up. It is knowledge, you need proper knowledge then only you can think rationally. Just think, you meet someone for the first time and you fall in love with that person. That means some changes occured inside your brain and those changes can be restored again to the original position with proper knowledge.
Another reason is media, your dumb friends and society feeding you with wrong informations like “He is the one” or “lovehappens only once” or “true love never dies” or “I can’t live without that person” etc etc . That’s all bullshit. Just think rationally, before meeting that person you were happy then what happened now? It is just that you became addicted to those adrenaline, phenylethylamine and dopamine chemicals released everyday in your brain when you were with that person. This can be restored once you have the proper knowledge.
Did you really love that person?
Actually you didn’t love that person, you loved those chemicals which were being released inside your brain. Say you never tasted coffee. One day someone offered you coffee and you liked it. Then you started drinking coffee every morning. One morning you don’t have coffee. How would you feel ?
You will feel demotivated or not feeling good because in past caffeine used to release dopamine in your brain which made you feel good everyday but today you are missing that stimulus.
Same with relationship, phases like “I love you”, “I can not live without you”, “You are my world” you kept listening to everyday from that person and it released certain chemicals inside your brain and you felt good. Now after break up you actually don’t miss that person but you miss those good feelings you used to experience.
If not so then you can still love that person after breaking up and be happy without him/her if you think you trully loved. This doesn’t happen because you are missing those stimulus which satisfied your needs like “feeling appreciated”, “feeling loved”, “feeling worthy” or “feeling important”. Thats why self confident people easily recover from heart break because they never depend on anyone to feel good about themselves.
Finally How to forget that person ?
If you watch cricket or soccer matches, you will find that teams are fighting their best to a certain point after that they just give up ?
What is that point ?
It is “HOPE”. yes it is hope. We keep fighting till we have the last hope of success. Do you get my point ?
People easily forget death of their closed one but can’t forget their break up, why ?
Because in death there is no hope of coming back that person but in break up we think that there is still a hope and thats why we can’t recover from break up.
So to forget your partner you have to kill all hopes of getting back together otherwise all efforts of becoming happy will be in vein.
Kill all your hopes of getting back that person and within 1 week you will feel happy and confident again.
by Prakash Sutradhar, A BBN community member