‘You are your company,’ is an old saying that points out the importance of choosing your friends and associates well.
People are constantly coming and going, the flow may at times seem slow but life is always introducing new people to you.
Who you choose to let stay is a direct reflection on your true self. Their interactions help guide your evolution, supplement shortcomings, and reveal how much respect you have for yourself.
There is a constant exchange happening at many levels. Be mindful of what you take and what you receive.
Here is a list of certain actions and intentions that should flag a person in your life for reconsideration.
1. Trying to Change You- You are already a constantly evolving and growing entity. The kind of individuals that try to change those around them are frequently not growing themselves. Many of these types try to slow or constrain the development of others.
2. DisHonesty- Not lying isn’t hard. It really isn’t, but staying 100% truthful can be difficult. The healthiest and simplest ways to live is to be true to yourself and those around you. Sometimes it is hard to face our demons for what they are or honor difficult emotions (anger/depression/love).If someone is lying to you then you need to respect yourself to limit what they say to you. If they can’t be truthful with you, they can’t do so with themselves. Besides a lesson in what not to do what can be learned from them?
3. Undermining Your Goals- My friends have had goals that I didn’t think highly of or didn’t understand. While I may state my opinion, I still supported them however I could. I can’t possibly know what these goals mean to them. They can do a great job of explaining the situation but that root feeling cannot be expressed.
4. Never Questioning Anything- People that make a powerful and lasting impact are not proverbial sheep. It takes continued awareness to question the recurring and new elements of life. A time will come that your singular viewpoint isn’t enough and having trusted members of your sound board will prove invaluable. If there is a voice that says ‘everything is fine’ all the time or ‘why ask questions no one can change it’ I suggest that you walk away until you can’t hear that noise.
5. Putting Down Your Dreams- Dreams are who people are and what gives them daily fuel to keep going. No dream is comparable to another and all are equally important. In the fray of worldly circumstances it’s too easy to lose sight of or let others corrupt that dream. The critical goals in your life define what is important to you, shows progression over time, adds purpose to daily events, and motivates action form your core being. NEVER let anything take away or redefine that.
6. Constantly Picking Fights- If anyone in your life is constantly bumping heads with you, save your energy, leave them in the background to fight themselves. The degree that they argue or struggle against can vary and isn’t the important value. Why they constantly do this is the point. Frequently with you around they simply project their likeness on to you. Frankly, you have enough to carry without someone’s unattended issues.
7. Never remembering details or people in your life- ‘Wait who is that again?’ ‘When did you do that?’ They might as well ask ‘why do I care?’. Forgetfulness happens to all of us but a line needs to be drawn. I don’t forget what interests me and have a harder time misplacing facts that warrant an emotional response. Not paying enough attention to remember whats important to you shows that you are a low priority. Why does this person seek you out?
8. Never gives personal space- We need room to grow, that’s just science. Ask yourself about the motives behind those who can not be alone. Experience shows the reasons aren’t normally indicative of a progressive mind set.
9. Anyone who is always the ‘good guy’ is normally the opposite.- To be human is to error. That gentleman that strains too hard to remind you of that lofty status is probably trying to manipulate you in some fashion.
10. Aversion to trying new experiences is a bad sign.- If we stayed on the same square foot of land and listened to the same four people all our life it’d be near impossible to evolve. It helps to have people on the team that are willing to endure potential hardships and new experiences.
11. Sarcastic attitudes- Sarcasm has an inherently negative definition, ‘the use of irony to convey discontent or mockery’. It’s used with humor often to point out a bad situation and laughter will ensue. Someone with this outlook is often very humorous but there is underlying negative content in everything they say.
12. Disrespect and tough love- Plain and simple, those who make you feel insignificant, dumb, or any negative way are not your friend. This comes under the guise of ‘tough love’ and that’s bullshit.
While reading this you probably came up with a few names. Don’t throw the book at them immediately! A common factor in these situations is an inability to be honest and respect themselves. With some folks you just need to show them what was in the blind spots. Don’t take it upon yourself to save anyone though. Show them the water and let them drink if they are thirsty. It is hard to move away from people before we are ready but there is no relationship that is worth the price of even the quietest abuse.