Love psychology

Prakash Sutradhar is a BBN contributor from the early days of our journey and was expressing his perspective of life through various artticles. Ideas expressed here solely are his own. You are kindly invited to give him any feedback to make his perspective a better and a more focused one. 

Love psychology

Around the world people love, they sing for love, they dance for love. They compose poem for love, they live for love, they kill for love and they die for love. Love is the most powerful drive of this universe and indeed love is the strongest emotion human being experiences.

In my previous article I already said that we human beings are part of this universe. So everything we do, we experience do follow the law of nature and everything falls correctly into the equation of psychology.

First we have to understand our evolution and brain structure.

Millions of years ago when species evolved, it had only one main brain organ which is “brainstem” and it is preprogrammed with basic drive like breathing, sleeping, eating, metabolism etc which are must for survival.

Species born and died and this process continued for millions of years. After struggling for million of years species evoloved with one more organ which is “limbic system“, which is our emotional brain and responsible for “sex”, memory. Here comes the great man Charles Darwin and his “natural selection” theory. Brainstem and Limbic system are same for reptiles , mammals and all other species.

Finally after millions of years mammals (human beings part of it) evolved with “neocortex” which is our rational or thinking brain. This is the part which separates sex and love. This is the part responsible for emotional attachment, thats why we mammals have mother-baby, brother-sister relationship. Neocortex shapes limbic system with variety of colours. Species who lack neocortex (reptiles), lack maternal affection, thats why the newborns must hide to avoid being eaten by mother.

Natural Selection

Law of nature says it is the process by which all species are spreading their numbers. It is simply naturally selecting partner who will provide most suitable and best survival offspring. Due to natural selection only we reached 7 billion today and still surviving.

To understand more, here comes a theory “Investment Theory”.  It is same for all species but I will write it in the context of homosapiens (we human). In simple language it needs male and female to offer offspring so that they can keep growing their numbers. Both are constantly in search of their opposite partner with whom they will be able to give best offspring.  Males need a few minutes only to contribute for a offspring and they can do it with lots of females in a single day but on the other hand females are restricted to one offspring only for several months (9-10 months). See the difference of investment to offer one offspring, for female it is very very large and restricted but for male it is very less and unrestricted. Thats why in every country, every culture we find females very conscious and more selective than males in choosing partner. We never realize it but this is the way we are surviving. It is the law of nature and same for every species. When males and females are interecting with each other, unconsciously their subconscious minds are constantly judging the opposite sex in terms of the potential of providing the healthiest offspring. Females are also concerned about the future protection, development of their offspring and so their selecting criteria is different and more wider than males, on the other hand males are mainly restricted to the physical attributes of females (which their subconscious think of best for the healthiest offspring). These all search, selection are done by our subconscious mind and we are quite unaware of it.

Now I come to psychology of this age (sticking only to romantic love). I already said by the virtue of neocortex we mammals are able to demarcate love and sex. But whatever we do natural selection is always working in the core of everything, thats why we still exist and we will keep growing in population.

Every human being has a subconscious list since his/her childhood about love partner. These are the criteria to be fulfilled by your love partner. We are not aware of this list but based on our childhood, society, belief system, the way our mind was programmed we keep on developing a list of criteria. It is mainly consist of attributes which we always seek to have but failed to gain. These are called our unmet needs. e,g, a girl who was always neglected by her parents just because they wanted a boy, she would automatically fall in love with a boy who is less confident and can easily be controlled by her. Because this boy will help her to fulfil her long lasting unmet need of being powerful, dominating. Another example, a boy who was always shy and was  neglected by his friends will automatically fall in love with a girl who is confident, popular because this girl will help him to fulfil his unmet need of being accepted.

Before ending I must say that research had found that when people in love part of the brain involved is VTA. Simply the part which is responsible for releasing dopamine. It is directly related to reward seeking and motivation. It is an obsession, you constantly keep thinking about him/her.

by Prakash Sutradhar, BBN contributor